7 Ways to Reconnect with Your Partner

We all need time to relax and connect with our loved ones. This is often essential in making a relationship work and in the long run, the best way to maintain happiness in our lives. It’s also arguably the hardest thing to do asit’s all too easy to let adult life - with so many distractions - to get in the way. Many people inadvertently put aside intimate relational priorities for other more pressing items. If this is you: here’s an invitation to reconnect with your partner, starting today. Based on the 8 years of hosting our project {THE AND}, in which we invited literally hundreds of couples to converse in a vulnerable, honest space, here are some basic tips for how to reconnect with your loved one.

 

1. Surprise Each Other with a Spontaneous Date

It's not easy to take a spontaneous weekend holiday that will involve an expensive flight and hotel stay. Fortunately, It’s also not necessary to create a new adventure.  A short trip to an unfamiliar place can provide the much-needed escape you’ve been craving. Taking walks, hiking or having lunch at a new restaurant will all give you the opportunity to talk more to your partner and really connect. It will also enrich your relationship by giving you some time to focus on what's important. 

 

2.Be Curious in the Things That Interest Them

If your partner likes something, show that you're interested in it, too. Never pretend you like something just to please them, but positive encouragement and curiosity in a subject for their sake will go a long way. Here is your opportunity to discover why they are passionate about it. Even if it bores you, the fact that they love something offers you the opportunity to find out what about it attracts them so much to it. It’s all too easy to fall into predictable stereotypes where one spouse rolls their eyes or makes belittling jokes while their partner talks about a subject that just doesn't interest them. It’s easy to get caught in the common tropes of the husband watching the football game or the wife catching up on the Bachelor, both boring the other. But here lies the opportunity. Step into their shoes and explore their interests. There is always something to learn if you pay attention and go below the surface. Yes, indeed it can look like just any football game or gossip show, but if you enquire and ask your partner what they see and how they are experiencing it, you’ll learn something, and most importantly you’ll learn something new about them. Curiosity breeds connection because you are not taking each other’s interests for granted. Dig in below the surface and you’ll find that connection reignites. 

 

3. Notice the Little Things

Saying nice things to your partner every day is important. But more importantly than just saying nice things is noticing and appreciating, no matter how small, the little things that are unique to them. The smaller the detail the better…because it shows that you're paying attention. Remember, your attention is your most valuable asset. So exemplifying and reiterating to your partner that they have your attention, no matter how small, is a sign of how important your relationship to them is. Challenge yourself to notice and say something genuinely kind, like how talented they are or what you love about them. When you think of how they inspire you to change for the better or look at you in that shirt, it's hard not to feel close to your partner. They appreciate you in a way few people will ever do because you notice the big and little things.

 

4. Keep Conversations Positive and Engaging Whenever Possible

Ensure that conversations are well balanced in terms of being a back and forth conversation, as well as mixing in heavier topics or challenges with lighthearted joys and fun trivialities. Recent statistics give therapists reason to believe that sharing every detail of every event each day with ones’ partner actually decreases intimacy and puts a strain on connection. Make for a better quality of life by keeping topics uplifting and positive where you can--they cannot carry the burden of every negative thought you ever have. Communication with your partner is very important for intimacy, but when you talk about everything, including things that aren’t important, the intimacy in the partnership decreases. This is because it’s exhausting and can sometimes blur boundaries in a relationship.

 

5. Play a New Game Together

Whether it be one of The Skin Deep’s card games designed specifically for reconnection, a board game, video game, or strip Poker…any kind of fun and play will remind you both why you love to spend time together and what is joyful about your relationship. Solving problems, laughter, and playful competition all contribute to rekindled passion and more trust in the relationship because you are doing something new, something you haven’t yet done together. This creates the space for discovery, or shall we say, rediscovery. To get deeper in your partnership, take a look at our Couples Edition, Long-Term Couples Edition, or Healing Edition card decks. 

 

6. Hold the Kiss “Hello” or “Goodbye” a Little Longer

Kissing your partner for six seconds any time of day is a wonderful way to reconnect and make each other feel more intimate overall. It won't take long but will still be a meaningful reminder of your intention and want for the tone of the relationship. Studies have shown that when your partner greets you with a 6-second-kiss, it strengthens the two of you emotionally. Nicole Richardson, LPC-S, LMFT recommends this as the ideal way to greet a partner every time you see them. “A six-second kiss when partners meet can positively alter the interaction.” A prolonged kiss each morning and evening can also be a wonderful boost for your mental health, and the six seconds will stay with you for the rest of your day. It's easy to create a routine that will ensure these little pockets of time are honored and cherished.

 

7. Perform Small and Thoughtful Acts of Service

We often idealize love in the way it was given to us when we were growing up. Some of us grew up with caregivers who expressed love through thoughtful gestures. Then in adulthood, thoughtful gestures is what we recognize as a clear indication that we are loved and cared for. If your significant other fits in this group, be sure to perform service that makes them feel respected, cared about, and appreciated. Get them a cup of tea, scrape the snow off their car on a cold day, warm up their favorite towel to be ready for them as they get out of the shower, do the dishes… to name a few possible acts of service. All of these small acts will pay off exponentially in your connection and bond, especially if the acts of service love language is important to your partner. Sexual educator Jamie LeClaire says "Doing something thoughtful that makes your partner’s life easier, like checking something off your partner’s to-do list, can be a great way to feel more connected to them."

We hope some of these tips help you to reconnect with your partner and find the spark in your loving relationship once again. If right now you feel like you are coasting or that your relationship is barely alive, it's important to remember that anything can be fixed with enough work. Try the tactics we’ve listed, work with professionals, and play The Skin Deep card games (designed for reconnection) to bring back the spark, fun, and excitement with your significant other.

The Skin Deep products, including {The And} and Honest X, have helped thousands of couples reignite their love. Check out our Dating deck, Couples, Long-term Couples, or Healing to fan the flame of your devotion.