You Make Loving You Very Easy | {THE AND} Maya & Alyssa
In This Episode of {THE AND}
Maya (she/her) and Alyssa (she/her) have been together for 4 years, and they just got engaged! The immense trust and support that exist between them have helped cultivate an incredibly beautiful and loving relationship. Through their mutual love, Alyssa has become a better version of herself, one she is very proud of, while Maya has learned to navigate her anxiety much more effectively. Understanding, compassion, deep listening, and self-reflection play significant roles in their dynamic as a couple, and they plan to continue their growth while holding hands.
Transcript:
0:06
If I lost all my memory,
0:07
what would be the first thing you’d tell me
0:09
about us?
0:18
I would tell you
0:19
that we're best friends.
0:23
And
0:25
we met very young,
0:28
which is kind of scary.
0:31
But that we've been
0:36
creating a very,
0:38
very good life for each other.
0:41
We're going to cry.
0:42
I'm ready. It's over.
0:44
I didn't think we would, but.
0:47
What was your first impression of me,
0:49
and how has that changed
0:50
over time?
0:57
My first impression of you
0:58
as a 19 year old.
1:00
Brutal, like, how old was I when we met?
1:02
I was 20.
1:03
You were 21.
1:05
You just turned 21.
1:06
I had just turned 21.
1:07
And I was still 20.
1:08
I was a complete jerk.
1:10
Um.
1:13
I remember
1:15
you were very,
1:17
like, interested in
1:18
me and kind to me.
1:20
The person that
1:22
was around at that time
1:25
was like,
1:26
Oh, they're being, like, clingy
1:28
or they're being creepy, or they're like,
1:30
Oh, that's so weird that, like.
1:32
And they were feeding into this, like,
1:34
narrative that you were, like, too much.
1:38
Even though you were just being nice.
1:41
Um, and so I
1:44
like, labeled you as
1:47
like, like a creepy,
1:48
obsessed crush.
1:52
And then I was like, Oh, when we talked,
1:55
I was like,
1:55
Oh, that's not what's happening at all.
1:58
I just didn't pick
2:00
very good friends.
2:03
And now I think of you
2:04
as a very loving,
2:09
wonderful, creepy crush.
2:12
Very soft, gentle,
2:15
sweet,
2:17
loving.
2:20
And then I let go of
2:22
the people that were making me not very nice.
2:25
And I realized that
2:26
I am very nice and that
2:30
I liked you a lot.
2:32
And now we're
2:35
moving and grooving
2:37
through life.
2:38
That's true.
2:38
Being in love.
2:41
What is one experience
2:42
you wish you never had and why?
2:45
Oh, I know my answer to this one.
2:49
I would say like the first month
2:50
of our relationship.
2:51
But
2:54
I wish I just, like,
2:55
never met you.
2:56
No!
2:56
That’s not what I’m saying.
2:58
The first month
2:59
actually pre relationship.
3:01
First month we met.
3:02
- Yes. - That we knew each other.
3:04
I'm like,
3:07
It wasn’t a great time.
3:08
It was not a great time.
3:09
I'm still so sorry.
3:10
But also I feel like that was
3:15
we got a lot in the way almost.
3:17
We did, like, every
3:18
every conflict or issue for like
3:20
the first
3:21
ten years came out in the first month.
3:24
And so we've just been cruising
3:25
ever since.
3:26
Well, I wouldn't have said that.
3:28
- I - But
3:30
but I do feel
3:31
like we got a lot.
3:33
We learned a lot
3:34
about each other very quickly.
3:36
Very quickly.
3:37
And you also kind of changed
3:39
- really quickly, but like - Very quickly.
3:41
And not that I was like,
3:42
I'm going to change her, but you were,
3:44
you changed.
3:45
- I did. - Pretty quick
3:46
because you realized that the,
3:47
I think, the life that you were
3:50
some parts of the life
3:50
that you were living
3:51
weren't working for you.
3:54
And they were getting in the way of
3:55
like a potentially good relationship.
4:00
So I don't know if I like wish
4:01
it never happened though.
4:03
It still was a part of our foundation.
4:06
And though it wasn't a
4:08
great peace, it still built us.
4:11
Yeah.
4:12
And
4:14
yeah.
4:16
When have you seen me
4:18
the most vulnerable
4:19
and what did it teach you
4:21
about loving me?
4:23
- Damn. - Damn.
4:24
- That's a good question. - Most vulnerable.
4:26
What a question.
4:40
I think.
4:45
I think I've seen
4:46
you most vulnerable
4:48
when you’re
4:52
really anxious.
4:54
And
4:57
you're
4:59
so overwhelmed
5:00
and worried about something that
5:03
that either
5:04
I don't think kind of calls
5:05
for that reaction
5:06
or it's something beyond our control.
5:11
I think it taught me that
5:16
you just kind of
5:17
have to like,
5:20
walk yourself through it.
5:22
That I can be there,
5:23
but I can't really help you.
5:24
And if I try to help you too much,
5:27
I make it worse.
5:29
Um, so, like,
5:30
if you're really anxious or sad
5:32
and I'm trying to be like,
5:33
Everything's okay,
5:34
and I'll start, like, being bubbly,
5:36
you're like, Shut up.
5:38
And I'm like, Oh, okay.
5:39
Yeah, I get really mad.
5:40
You get super
5:40
mad at me, but I'm trying to like,
5:43
that's how I know how to
5:45
how to fix things, is to be very like,
5:49
fun and exciting and change the mood.
5:51
And that doesn't work for you.
5:54
Like, I have to,
5:55
I have to meet you on your level
5:56
and then help you get up instead of
5:58
being at the level and hoping you
5:59
come up to me.
6:01
And that took
6:03
me a while to figure out.
6:04
You're very in your head
6:06
and you have to work through your stuff.
6:08
And I can be a support,
6:10
but I can't be the narrator.
6:11
Right.
6:12
Dang.
6:13
- I know. - That's pretty good.
6:14
Clip it.
6:15
Do you want to be the therapist?
6:16
I want to be the therapist.
6:20
Um.
6:22
Oh, what is the pain in me
6:25
you wish you could heal
6:26
and why?
6:30
I think the thing that always gets me
6:32
the most is how much you were bullied
6:35
like growing up.
6:37
- Mhm. - Like that.
6:38
Like, really hurts for,
6:41
I mean, it hurts me obviously,
6:42
but I'm like
6:44
that obviously stayed with you
6:46
even if you try to avoid it.
6:50
It made you like
6:51
not as confident
6:53
in yourself and it made you
6:56
like second guess how
6:57
you look all the time.
7:01
Keep going on.
7:02
I'm chilling.
7:03
Okay.
7:05
So, yeah, I just wish, I don't know,
7:07
part of me was like,
7:08
I wish I would have been there
7:10
because I'm like, you
7:14
you got a little bit
7:14
more confident when we started dating, I think.
7:16
Mhm.
7:17
For sure.
7:20
I don't know
7:21
if we would have been friends in middle
7:22
school though.
7:22
- I know you think we would have, but. - Probably not.
7:25
I was scary.
7:28
I wore all black
7:29
and had like the scene bangs.
7:32
Listened to that Death
7:33
Metal one Volume 10.
7:36
I don't know.
7:36
I'd like to think we would have been.
7:37
I like to think
7:37
we would have been in love, but
7:39
maybe not.
7:40
I don't think so.
7:44
You would have been like,
7:45
Oh, that's a demon.
7:47
But yeah,
7:48
I really wish I could have, uh,
7:51
I could fix all that.
7:53
Yeah.
7:56
All well.
7:58
What do you think
7:58
I need to hear most from you
8:00
and why?
8:02
That it's fine.
8:03
Oh, well, that was quick.
8:04
Yeah. Our way here
8:07
being anxious about, like,
8:08
being a couple minutes late,
8:10
and I thought you were going to throw up.
8:13
Yeah, it's,
8:14
I
8:15
I think everything is going to be fine.
8:18
And not, like, in a toxic, optimistic way.
8:20
Like,
8:21
there's some things we can't control.
8:23
We couldn't control running late today.
8:25
Unless we, like,
8:26
somehow had a premonition and left
8:29
way earlier.
8:30
But we left with extra time
8:32
and stuff happened
8:33
and we still ended up late.
8:34
But I mean, we're here and it's fine,
8:37
Yeah.
8:38
I just feel like you were,
8:39
you're so conscientious of everything
8:43
and everyone all the time.
8:46
And how they're feeling
8:48
and how you play a role
8:50
in that and how
8:52
for certain people it's like
8:54
your job to make sure that
8:57
you're making them happy.
8:59
And I think that makes everything
9:02
so stressful and so anxious for you.
9:06
I feel like you think
9:07
everything's going to fall apart.
9:10
Yeah.
9:11
And it hasn't.
9:14
Like there's
9:15
worse things than, like,
9:17
almost being late
9:18
that's happened to us
9:19
and we're still fine.
9:21
Yeah.
9:22
So,
9:24
yeah, that is
9:24
going to be fine.
9:27
If this was our last conversation,
9:30
what would you never want me to forget?
9:33
Oh, where'd you go?
9:34
Why is our last?
9:35
What happened?
9:37
Where's my missing
9:38
person folder?
9:40
Oh, yeah.
9:43
What would I never want you to forget?
9:49
Um, I think
9:54
I don’t know
9:54
all the good things
9:56
that this relationship taught you.
9:59
You know, if for some reason
10:01
we're not together anymore,
10:02
for some reason.
10:03
I just leave, I guess.
10:04
- Yeah. - Or I just died?
10:06
- Die? - I don't know.
10:07
Yeah.
10:10
Yeah.
10:10
Just like all the good
10:11
things that you learnt.
10:14
Even if, like,
10:14
the relationship doesn't continue.
10:16
Like you learnt.
10:18
Whatever.
10:19
Yeah.
10:22
And you're
10:22
a better person.
10:24
Yeah, definitely don't
10:25
regress into the person
10:26
that I first met you as.
10:31
- 21 years old Alyssa. - Not that you were the worst, but.
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