Video · Youtube · {THE AND} ·Feb 23, 2022

[VIDEO] Laughing Through 45 Years of Marriage | {THE AND} Marie & Stanley

Video Summary

Married for 45 years, Marie (she/her) and Stanley (he/him) are as connected as a couple can be. They do everything together, and have come to {THE AND} space on Stanley's birthday. They discuss their first meeting, their equal power in their relationship, and crack up about Marie wanting Stanley to clean their garage and Stanley wanting to keep it as it is. We'd like to thank Marie and Stanley for participating openly & vulnerably in our project. We appreciate what they've shared with us and hope you do as well.

Video Transcript

If you could rel-relive one, relive one moment from our relationship forever, what would it be and why?

One moment...That would had to be when I first saw you. And the reason why is that was a picture that made the Mona Lisa jealous.

Wow, okay.

You know, I went head over heels in love with you, right at that moment, I knew you were to one for me.

Okay.

How do you think our Gullah Geechee culture shapes the way we connect to one another?

Well, our Gullah Geechee culture- Well, when I met you, you didn't think you were Gullah, even though we were Gullah, you embraced my family and you really you became part of my family and you Gullah now too, I guess. - Oh yes.

Oh, yeah.

Thank you. - Of course.

Okay. What are you hesitant to tell me?

What am I hesitant to tell you? Sometime, not all the time, sometime I'm hesitant to tell you exactly how I feel about you. Because I had a kind of rough past. And it didn't turn out right. So instead of telling you everything, I neglect to do this because I'm fearful of history repeating itself with me.

Yeah.

So I'm not going to do that. I'm not going to do that. I don't trust it. And because when I did it before, it backfired on me. And I'm not going to let that happen again.

It's good?

Wow, who has more power- Who has more power in our relationship and how has it changed?

Power in the relationship?

I wouldn't use the word power...

- Right.

In the relationship. - Correct. I wouldn't say power. I would say the understanding of doing things and getting things done.

I am the brain and you are the what?

The steel laborer.

So it's not power. We equally have the same responsibility, but we do it a different way.

- Correct.

When it comes out, the goal is met.

Yeah, with you a little bit ahead.

- Yeah.

I got it. - Yeah, right?

I don't- I don't. have no problem with it. And you don't really care about that either.

No.

As long it's done, it doesn't bother you. It doesn't bother you.

That's one thing I love about you. It doesn't bother you. If I take the lead in something you don't say: 'Oh, I want- I'm the man' 'Imma do this.' You don't say that. You just say- you gave me the- You gave me opportunity to say- to make the choices.

- Correct.

And I believe that transpired on day one between us.

Explain that.

- Between us you are better at certain things than I was. - Okay. I knew I could do certain things that you couldn't, you know, and vice versa. But we let that- we- as you said, there was no power.

There's no power.

No, there's no power in our relationship.

And I'm a firm believer of this, that this is why we've been together so long

and many more years to come. You know?

All right. All right. - my turn?

Yes, ma'am.

What is something I don't fully understand about you?

What is something I fully don't understand about you? You truly don't understand

that I like taking my time with things to make sure it is done in a proper and correct way so that I don't have to repeat doing it over. I don't like doing it over.

So I'm a particular. I'm a perfectionist.

You a procrastinator.

I'm a procrastinator, but it get done, doesn't it?

No, but I still want it done- it has to be done at a certain time. There's a time frame for getting things done.

But see, when you do that, you- To me, is rushy. For example- I'm not gonna jump when you say jump. For example: clean the garage out.

Gosh, when is that going to be done? How many years now? You take your time?

I'm taking my time, right?

You are a hoarder. That's what it is. You don't want to get rid of anything.

No, I don't. But I- - Everything has value. You never know when you need a certain thing.

- When are you gonna use it, though? t's been over two years.

- You never know. Like I needed a small light bulb, if I had thrown it away years ago I wouldn't have- -

Well then you can buy one.

Why should I buy one? When I got one already.

'Cause you never find anything you need, though.

I know where everything is at.

- No, you don't.

I know where everything is at until you move things. - It's for- They may be junk to you. But I know exactly where everything in my stuff is at.

Well, we have to work on that.

Yeah, yeah,

- We are. - We have to clean the garage out. Not you. We'll clean the garage.

No. - No?

Me and my son, not you.

No, you remember the last time you did that?

You two... our oldest son and you threw away some of my tools. And some of my equipment, that was perfectly good and I had to go and turn around and buy,

for example, the motor and the chain for the garage.

Do you know where it was?

You threw it away.

Well, you don't organize. So I had to go in.

You don't organize it. I put boxes for you to organize. You don't organize.

You throw. You pile up, everywhere you sit it's a pile.

- That's all right.

That's my pet peeve. You have piled things up. Buoyed up. - But I still love you.

All right.

Okay. What have I taught you about love?

You've taught me that love... Love is kind.

Mm hmm.

Sometimes love can be selfish.

Hmm.

- And sometimes... sometimes love... Sometime is called tough love. There's tough love and there's eternal love and there's every day love.

Wow.

And I do all that kind of love because I deal with you.

Yeah, I got you. Sometimes I can do tough love and sometimes I do just love for a man.

Mm-Hmm.

And just When you see somebody in the mornings, we never know whether they'll be back. you gonna see me when I get home.

Right.

- Oh yeah. - That's why I always say Don't go to bed angry because you don't know what's going to happen.

- Correct.

Something that you do anyway.

- It's life.

- You say: I'm not speaking today.

It's tough love. - Yeah, it's tough love. So it's a different kind of love I show.

And sometimes you need those types.

Yeah.

Because I don't want- I don't want to be a person who just show fake love.

That's right. - It's real, is real love.

And I have to say, I love you every day and to let you know that I love you.

- I know.

Now, not that love- I never say that every day And that's not who I am.

- You're right.

I'll wave my hand. You see me. wave your hand. That's love.

- That's when I know.

Yeah, that's- I'm not- I'm not the lovey dovey type.

- I got you.

I think it's you.

Last one. If this was our last conversation, was it you want to tell me that you

don't want me to forget?

Is that Marie (last name)... I have been honored to be your husband, and I truly, truly love you. Thank you. - From the bottom of my heart.

Wow. I got some money in that drawer the bedroom.

- I see that. - Your own!

I got you.

I got you. - But thank you for that.

- Nah.

Okay

- Okay.

How do you love me?

Wow. - How do I love you? Let me count the ways.

Oh, wow.

I love you because I am married to you for 45 years and we have two beautiful sons together and we've grown over the years and we understand one another.

We have accomplished a lot together, being married.

Yeah.

- And even we had downfalls or not good times our life. We were still there for one another. Through thick and thin. We continue through sickness and death.

We are there for one another.

- Yeah.

We help each other here and wipe the tears. So that's how- that's how

I love you, because you were there for me whenever. You bring me lunch at work. 'What do you want?' You bring me lunch. What I need, what should we take out... Things, the little things you do,

I always do- - The little things you do.

I'm not a big person. To me, what life matters is the little things, even the little things that wouldn't be no big things. Even if you don't have your money you find something.

Oh yeah. - You find something. You always go buy a card. I'm not even a

card type.

Have you gotten a birthday card today?

No. - But you going out to dinner.

I know

What's the dinner today? If you had me a birthday card, I'd probably have a heart attack.

I did say Happy birthday, though. You did, but you have to buy the card.

That's a waste of money.

I know. - I can- I do. I can do an e-card.

- No, no. Yeah, yeah.

I can do an e-card.

- Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But life is a good. Life is good and I enjoy being married to you. You're my partner. You're my friend, my best friend. You know I don't have many friends.

No, you don't.

You know... my sister and you, that's it.

If I'm your best friend, give me a kiss.

- Alright, come on.

That's it. - Love you.