An ode to all dads out there who are trying their best to exercise paternity in a loving, caring and fulfilling way. We see you, we appreciate you. As we explore new perspectives we invite you to step into the emotional space of connection and experience the deeper lessons that shared experiences can afford humanity. To everyone who has participated openly and vulnerably in our project - we appreciate what you have shared with us and hope others do as well.
Video Transcript
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What's something you've
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learned as a father
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that you knew as a child?
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That I knew or didn't know as a child?
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It says-
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Oh, that you wish you knew as a child.
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Just how much responsibility
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another tiny person is
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and what they become
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because there's so much
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to being a parent.
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That's why we tell your sisters, like,
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think really long and hard
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before you decide to be an adult.
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Because, you know, we
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I became a dad at 20.
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Right?
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I was still a kid.
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Having a kid.
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So what I know now is how much work
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and love
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and effort that goes into being a parent.
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And I tell other people,
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like my ten year old son,
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enjoy being a kid.
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Don't try to grow up too fast
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because adulting is difficult.
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When you think about
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the first time we met,
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what do you remember feeling?
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When I popped out.
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Grossed out
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because there was placenta everywhere.
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Placenta.
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I-
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you know, I don't
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I don't know, like
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I'm like a-
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I guess even at what? like 15, 15 and a half
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when you were born, I just.
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That's crazy.
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You were 15. - I cried a lot.
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I cried a lot.
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I remember I was really nervous
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I mean, so
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I was, like, running around
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asking, like, doctors and nurses, like,
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what's the probability of her having
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cleft lip?
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What's the probability-
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Like, I was so nervous because
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I'm like, having cleft lip
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now isn't a big deal at all.
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But I got made fun of a lot
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when I was a kid,
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and I really didn't want that for you.
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So I was really really relieved
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that you didn't have cleft lip
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when you were born.
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I didn't know that.
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And you know, I just didn't know.
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I don't know.
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I don't really know.
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I think I just felt like everything like
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there's not any one thing I can pinpoint.
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Yeah. - It was just a lot-
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I can't.
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I forgot you were 15 and a half years old.
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That's insane.
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Oh.
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Yeah.
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What's the hardest thing
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about being my dad
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that I may not realize?
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Oh.
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That's a really good question.
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The hardest thing about being your dad
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is always worrying about
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how kids treat you at school.
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All the time.
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Every day.
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Because
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I am an adult
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and it is against the law
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to harm children.
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But when they're mean to you,
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they bully you. They're not nice to you.
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It makes me very angry. Very upset
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because I want everybody
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to see you like I see you, right?
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Like the awesome, smart, intelligent, funny,
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you know, little boy that you are
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that's growing into a young man
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like you got your little blazer on here,
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but it's hard
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when you can't control other people.
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So that's what I get upset about
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or worry about.
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What's the pain in me
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you wish you could heal?
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I'd snap my fingers
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and do it in a heartbeat...
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I wish there was never
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a doubt of your worth.
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Never doubt
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of how much you're loved
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and I know that that's not it.
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I know that's not.
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It's not that easy.
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Um,
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I wish
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you can fast forward
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ten years
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to where you look back and,
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you know,
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I hate it whenever
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I use cliches and stuff and
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I do it way too often.
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Um,
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every now and then on
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some of the workouts I'll hear,
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and- and sometimes
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that actually makes me mad,
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and then I'm like, okay, I get it.
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But
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this Alex Toussaint he'll
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help above the bite, he'll be like,
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You've made it through
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all your bad days.
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I'm like, part of me.
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That's the sarcastic one.
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Obviously, I'm sitting here
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listening to you, you know? I mean, it's.
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But there are a lot of people
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that don't make it through their bad
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days, right?
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And
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I want to always
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be able to say in my head,
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because I wouldn't want it to
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create
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overwhelming discomfort
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for me to say it to you
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but in my head, I think that
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you've made it through
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all of your bad days.
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I just
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wish we could get rid of the bad days
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yeah.
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I think that's why
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I really want to get
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that tattoo of Mom's handwriting
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saying you can do hard things.
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Cause
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I remember when I was leaving Baylor
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and she just held my face and she said,
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You can do hard things.
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It's just
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sometimes it's a lot harder
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than other days to do the same hard thing.
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But I wish I could take
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that same pain away from you
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instead of worrying about me.
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I wish you could just
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enjoy life with Mom
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and not worry about
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whether or not
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I'm going to get triggered or...
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Why do you love me?
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You know, that there is only one.
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like you.
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Yeah.
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I have no other answer.
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I have no other thing really to give you.
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That love.
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I really do
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not have anything
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else to give you on that.
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I mean, it's you.
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You are my daughter.
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What else can I give you
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if I don't give you love?
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When do you feel
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closest to me?
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I- it's hard to describe
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because I feel so close to you daily.
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Yeah.
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And my thoughts and my feelings and
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and
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that I don't think
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is any specific moment.
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Whatever. - Agreed.
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I only know that
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the
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you were such a
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savior by being born
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for me
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to continue life and
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fatherhood
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that
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every moment was closer
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and closer is getting even more closer
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that if we get any more...
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Then we probably have to be back
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living together in the same house.
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I would love that.
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You'd love it?
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I just talked about it on the way up.
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I would love to be able to have a house.
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And have you guys.
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So I can drive you to the beach when you were 6 years old.
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So you can dive in in full.
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and everybody said,
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look at that five years old one,
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can take the waves.
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Yeah.
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And not afraid of the waves.
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Right? Free spirit.
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Laguna Beach Girl. Right.
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So my turn.
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Yeah.
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Okay, Dad, what do you think
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I need to hear?
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What do you need to hear?
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Basically the truth,
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because I'm
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pretty sure you can handle the truth more
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so than to be lied to,
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because you need to be able,
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no matter
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how bad it is
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or what it is,
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you need to have some kind of guideline
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or knowing
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who you can trust and not trust.
9:46
Um, I think that you need to hear
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that, though.
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Like,
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my mom was always there and I love her
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and we have this amazing bond
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you and like, our relationship
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is as important. Our bond.
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Our connection is as important
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as my mom's.
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We have 2 different relationships.
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Of course,
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my connection to you is different
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because, like,
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you're more like a lifeline for me.
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Like I said, like, getting to know
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you helps me to get to know myself
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as an adult.
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Having a relationship with you
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heals the little girl within me,
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and that's really important to me.
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Okay. - Yes.
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If this were to be
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our last conversation.
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What's the one thing
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you never want me to forget?
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It's not our last conversation.
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I know, but still,
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that
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I think
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you've made a
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print on me
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in my heart.
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That will never go away.
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And that
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you've been such
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an amazing person
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to everyone.
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I've heard people call you God once.
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Kelli's dad is a God.
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and they didn't mean, like, no offense,
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but they didn't
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mean, like, in, like,
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statuesque, like, your dad's a God.
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I'm sure you are, but they meant, like,
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you're so amazing.
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And
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I think just that
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I'm thankful
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that my daughter
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carries you in her heart.
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And I think
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that will go on past my daughter,
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that you'll be there in generations
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and generations to come.
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And that I'll always
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take care of Mama
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um, that's it.
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Let's... you answer that question now.
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OK,
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You made me do this.
12:27
That was pretty suit-
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No, no, no.
12:30
Yeah, if this was our last conversation.
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What's the one thing
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you wouldn't want me to forget?
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I'm not getting you-
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you don't get out of this one.
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Oh, I think I should. - No.
12:38
I think you shouldn't. - Just on age alone I should.
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