In This Video
Kyla (she/her) and Kamirah (she/her) are siblings who share a close relationship founded on laughter, a great sense of humor, abundant love, support, and honesty. Despite being entangled in complex family dynamics, they navigate these challenges with maturity and self-awareness. Recognizing toxic patterns in their lives, they have proactively made decisions and taken action to break these patterns, paving the way for a healthier and more positive future. Their commitment to doing things differently is evident, and they actively support, love, and care for each other, fostering a strong and lovely bond.
Transcript
I was like, “Hey!”, and your dad was all...
Watch this.
Uh!
(Both laugh)
(Both laugh)
I was like doing
like cartwheels.
(Laughs)
I wanted to be like,
like friends with everyone
all the time. - Oh, my God.
So when it felt like
your dad maybe didn't like me,
I was going to lose it.
I was going to lose my mind
because I was like, What did I do?
But then, like,
I'm too young to realize, Oh, it's
because I have a different dad.
I wasn't putting those pieces together.
You’re literally physical evidence
that this did not work. - Yeah, right.
Like that’s so... - That's sucks.
Yeah.
I was, like,
giving him his
his punishment.
Like that was his judgment,
his reckoning.
Crying internally.
And I was just like
You know who I look
like?
(Both laugh)
Your ex-wife and my dad.
(Both laugh)
Torment.
Oh.
Oh my God.
What experience has shaped our connection
the most and why?
There's, like, one?
I have to pick one?
I mean...
Has shaped our...
the most, though?
All right.
There's so many... there’s just hard
to pick just one.
What experience has shaped...
I feel like just
the experience of growing up together,
but separated.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Just that whole experience.
That was something.
Yeah. - Because you were what?
Uh...
Were you... eight? - When...
When I started living with Dad.
Oh, yeah, I was
yeah, I was eight. - That’s little.
Em...
And then, like, I always knew
you were my sister, it was almost like
I don't know why
I don't see her anymore.
Yeah. - You know?
And then, um
shoutout to my dad for
letting me reach out. - Right.
Yeah.
Um. Yeah.
And I feel like
it just took aging for us
to be able to get to this point
where we can
actually talk about these things.
Um.
Okay.
Are we skipping?
No, no.
Oh. - Um.
What...
What is your biggest fear
about our family
like, moving forward?
That we won't.
I've been thinking about
all this
in the past few months,
and I was thinking, like
I see hope on
individual levels
with certain people,
but in the grand scheme,
I don't think we will move
past anything.
It's been too far gone.
And it's sad because, you know,
we had hope for that, especially ____.
Yeah.
But it's like, when you see
people are unwilling to
cause
this didn't start with us.
Yeah.
It started
with the adults
and we got dragged into it
and somehow we keep,
we still keep getting dragged into it,
it is still keeps being brought up.
It didn't
and I didn't think this would fix anything
but ____ dying.
You would think like
Right.
Wake up!
No, same stuff.
Yeah.
That wasn't the goal
but it was a hope at least.
Like you guys will see the bigger picture
because this has affected everybody.
And again,
it sucks
because you're
completely separate from the situation,
but you're still dragged in.
And it's like, Come on, you all, this isn't fair.
Man, as much work
as I could do for myself,
as much more of as Kamirah does on herself.
I don't know if that's enough to fix
what's happening in our family, like...
And the thing is,
the goal is not to fix it because
I just want to, like
try
to put the pieces back together
and sometimes I wonder if I have
all these
feelings of hope for nothing, like
if I should just give up on it.
Even though people are like,
keep hope, keep faith, all that.
But I'm like, we have been
through a lot.
A lot.
And— - And it keeps happening.
It’s like it doesn’t stop.
No, it doesn’t.
It's not like one thing
one bad thing happens
and then we can apologize
and think about it.
No one apologizes for anything.
No.
No one thinks they're doing
anything wrong. - Or even if they do,
because Dad apologized to me
for feeling like he failed.
Mom did too, which was very shocking.
But it's like, Okay but
how do... you got to change,
for us to move forward
because now that we've acknowledged this,
how are we going to implement it
in the future of our relationship?
Yeah.
And they're getting older,
so there's said.
That's what's scary about it.
I’m like, I don't want them to get old
and get angrier.
Mhm.
Get older and just be
resentful and then just,
I don’t know, I just,
I hate how much hate there is,
basically, in our circle.
Which is, like
it’s not good for you,
it's not good for your body,
your spirit.
I feel we just...
What is one experience
you wish we never had
and why?
Actually,
I feel like there's a lot.
I was going to say
that's like a really loaded question,
because there's a lot that I would say.
Wouldn’t matter to list.
Right.
That we never had those.
So I guess there's that.
I wish we didn't
have to lose a brother.
That’s number one.
Yeah, it's like my biggest one.
One.
I wish that
we didn't have to grow up
in a broken home.
Even that, right? Because
well, I don't know
people since announced.
But I had friends
who had divorced parents
and they seemed cool.
Their parents would show up like,
Hey, it’s cool, you know, ____. - I was going to say
I wish we didn't grow up in a broken home
that was like,
not cohesive.
Yeah.
We couldn't even come together
and try.
It’s just like, Ugh, you again?
Right. - Omg, I’m so sick of it.
Like, Oh, you’re, he’s
sitting over there in the stands
while you sit on the other side, like.
So petty.
What?
(Both laugh)
Like, No, we don't.
You have to walk past
and don't make eye contact. - Right.
To act like we don't see.
Like, dude,
it's really not that deep.
What's something you've always
wanted to tell me but haven’t yet?
I don't know if I've had anything
that I've always wanted to tell you
because I tell you everything.
So there's nothing I've really
held back from.
I'm trying to think if there's anything
I've always wanted to—
Sometimes I feel like I failed
in being the oldest sibling,
but I have to catch myself
and say
I couldn't control things that happened.
Same thing with ____ .
Same emotions.
But there's not a whole that I could do
and I did what I could,
which is still something.
But again, I didn't know
stuff happened either, you know?
Yeah.
It's also difficult
because in this particular situation,
you didn't ask to be gone.
No, I didn’t.
You, like that
choice was made for you.
Like, again, our decision making.
Yeah, and I accepted it.
Our choices are always made for us.
Yeah.
So I don't blame you, at least.
Yeah. - I’ve never seen
I never looked at the situation
as like you left us.
Yeah.
I always looked at it as,
Where's my sister?
Yeah.
Like, I miss my sister.
And
people are keeping me away from her
and I don't understand it
because I'm a child.
Yeah.
So...
I always missed you, though.
It wasn't like
I never forgot.
Yeah.
Your room was still upstairs.
____ , he would still sleep
in front of your door
even while you're gone.
And I'd be like, She's not even here
Oh! idiot.
(Both laugh)
So rubbing it in ____ ‘s face.
But
Yeah, I mean,
well,
something that
I've always wanted to tell you is that,
no, you haven't failed.
Thanks.
You're actually doing amazing.
So, I'm proud of you.
Thanks.
You deserve to hear that.
What do you need from me
and am I giving it to you?
I just needed a sister.
But am I providing that?
But
(Both laugh)
Yeah.
No, um...
I think more than anything,
these past few months,
I realized I just need, like,
a good support system.
And I've been actually utilizing it,
like in times
where I feel
that my
mental illness
might be getting the best of me
in the moment
I feel comfortable now
like calling somebody
instead of just sitting there
and doing nothing about it
and just letting it happen.
It's like part of me now.
I'm like, I have to call Kamirah
‘cause I'm not going to let myself
go down that rabbit hole
or I'm going to call somebody, now.
So like, just having you
present in my life
and offering your support
and always showing up for me, like
you’ve always showed up for me, Kamirah.
Like, I don't think you understand that.
Like, when I was 17
and I was like, Yo um...
something bad happened - I’m trying to think about it...
and I don't know how to take care of it.
You're like, Oh, I've been through this.
I can help you.
I have a friend who can help you too.
And I’m willing to drive down there.
I was like, Are you serious?
Like what?
Because you - Yes.
you were hours away!
I was like,
there's no way she should
Six hours.
And I was like, This is ridiculous, like.
But you did it for me.
And I, honestly, in that moment,
I didn't think I had anybody else
that would have done that for me.
Like, so, you are exactly what I need
at all times.
Literally.
I don't have the moisture to shed any tears.
(Laughs)
But it's right there.
What about, um...
Like, flip the question.
No.
I'm not providing?
Oh, oh, sorry.
I was like, what was then?
I was going to say I don't need anything from you.
Oh!
(Both laugh)
Forgot.
I just need a sister.
That's it.
You're doing, you're doing a good job.
Good.
Plus you're young, so it's not like I'm
I'm not leaning completely on you
or trying not to
because you're still young.
And sometimes I feel like
I should be able
to offer
the exact same thing that you offer me.
And so I'm like,
Why don't you lean on me?
Like, I want you to lean on me.
Because you're
you're young and you should enjoy that.
Sometimes, I just don't know,
I just feel like what I go
through is just too much.
I do the same thing with ____ .
I'm like, Do you need...
I can be alone if you...
like.
Yeah, and...
Don't want to be a burden emotionally
because I've been made
to feel that way, especially now,
right now.
Like ____ was like,
I'm praying that your parents
find peace with you.
I was like, that's
that's tough.
Because, like, it seems like
they have no peace with you.
I mean, yeah.
As like you're
a deep ass old dude, aren't you?
Right.
(Laughs)
Like, what are you talking about?
Where did you get that from? - I’m like
Where did you hear that? - day and night I’m going to sit and think.
(Both laughs)
So yeah, that's why
I don't lean on you as hard.
I still talk to you.
You know
I give the details,
but I'm like, Okay,
I'll give enough
and then process the rest
by my lonely. - That’s fair.
Yeah.
I mean, I trust your judgment
when it comes to, like,
how you want to heal.
Yeah.
‘Cause you've been doing the work.
And just know that,
you know, you always have me
If you need me, so.
Call me, baby, if you want to reach me.
Hmm.
What does my love
feel like?
♪ Your love is wider ♪
If I had to put an image to it...
You know how little kids just kind of
pull you around wherever
and you're just like...
That’s kind of what it feels like.
It's like, you're just along for the ride
and they're enjoying it,
and you're like, Yeah,
I get to witness this.
Yeah.
Yeah! - Pretty much.
Let me show you this!
Come here!
It's like, all right, okay.
That's so funny
because that it’s accurate.
You're the youngest child,
so it makes sense.
Yeah.
That’s what it feels like.
Your love feels like
like a mother's hug to me.
Are you calling me a mom?
No, I'm kidding.
Yeah. - Well, technically,
I am a mom, but...
You
you're very matronly, you know?
Wow.
When I hear that word,
I think of a ____ .
I don't know why, but
No, your love feels like
like
what I should have had.
Damn.
What I wish I had
when I was a kid.
It feels great.
Hey there.
Thanks so much for watching.
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and you want to ask these questions
to your own family,
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